I’m Not There

I'm Not There

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This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.
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I'm Not There

I’m not there.

I am an an active part of the pro-life community. That allows me the opportunity to meet and work with many dynamic, inspirational people.  Such was the case a while back. This is when I had dinner with Father Frank Pavone. He’s the National Director of Priests for Life/Pastoral Director of Silent No More Awareness Campaign and Georgette Forney, President of Anglicans for Life/Co-Founder of the Silent No More Awareness Campaign.
We were enjoying outdoor dining on the beautiful San Diego Harbor. During this time, our light banter eventually turned to the Planned Parenthood videos. And how they are exposing the truth about abortion.  It was during that conversation that I shared a particular consequence of abortion, recently realized. Georgette thought this revelation would be a good topic for a blog post. So here it is.

One of the tragic repercussions experienced by women who have had abortions is self-destructive behavior.  This behavior can come in a variety of forms. These include drug/alcohol abuse and suicidal ideation/attempts. I suffered both of them. In addition to those behaviors, I also permanently destroyed my fertility. I had a tubal ligation at the age of thirty. This was a means to punish myself for the abortions.

I eventually adopted a precious ten-year old son. He was from foster care. He blessed me with two beautiful granddaughters. And I love them dearly. But with that love is sadness.  When I look at my son’s face as well as those of my granddaughters, I’m not there.  They carry nothing of me biologically that can be passed on to future generations.  My hands are strikingly similar to my mom’s. And when I browse old photos of my grandparents, there’s no doubt I’m related.  Granted, my ear and forehead size is an attribute I used to hide, but in time, grew to embrace because it’s something our family shares. This is along with dark eyes and high cheekbones. Unfortunately, to coin a phrase, “It’s the end of the line.”

I not only purposely took away the chance to experience the miracle of carrying a child. And giving birth. But I also ended the passing on of physical traits. I terminated the life of two beautiful angels. And I terminated the biological chain of life … a chance for a grandchild or great-grandchild to look at me. And to say, “Your hands are like mine,” or with a laugh exclaim, “Thanks for the forehead, granny!”  One more aspect of abortion loss realized after over thirty years.

Although I carry deep regret and sadness, I’m equally filled with gratitude. For God, in His infinite mercy, gave me another chance at motherhood.  The love I have for my son and granddaughters goes beyond words and biology. Adoption is a wonderful way to enrich families and bring joy to infertile couples.  I applaud the courage and selflessness of those faced with an unplanned pregnancy. These are parents who either keep their children or place them for adoption. And there are adoptive parents who open their hearts and homes. That’s not just through private adoption. But through foster care.

All children deserve life, love and the opportunity to thrive.


Bio:  Author of devotionals, light romance and suspense. Patti was born to a military family in Wimpole Park, England and traveled extensively during her childhood. She worked for the federal government as an auditor for the Department of Labor and Veteran’s Administration Offices of Inspector General, as an Elementary School Office Manager for the San Jacinto Unified School District, served ten years in the U.S. Army Reserves and recently retired as a background investigator.

Patti is a member of the Association of Christian Therapists. She serves as Regional Coordinator for the Silent No More Awareness Campaign. And she leads Rachel’s Hope After-Abortion Healing Retreats. She publicly shares her story of redemption in a variety of venues. She has been a guest on Immaculate Heart and Blogtalk Radio, Radio Maria, Cradle My Heart and Abortion Hurts/God Heals.  She also appears in two documentaries, “The Sidewalk Chronicles” and “Hush”.

Patti lives in Vista, CA with her husband and is a caregiver for my uncle.  She has five children (one living son and step-daughter. One son was lost through miscarriage. And a son and daughter were lost through abortion. And she hasfour beautiful granddaughters.  She is a prolific blogger and reader, and proudly admits to being a diehard Seattle Seahawks fan and Fantasy Football fanatic. Her travel adventures include Spain, Mexico, Canada, Australia, Fiji, South Korea and almost all states – including Hawaii and Alaska.

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About the author

Lisa DeSherlia

I'm Lisa DeSherlia, a Christian with a relationship with Christ. I'm a wife, a mom and pro-life. All lives are sacred from conception to natural death. But anyone is welcome here as long as you are willing to respect and be civil with those who disagree with you.

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