I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant. I had already dumped the guy who got me pregnant. He seemed like a nice guy, but he wasn’t the one for me. I was put in a mental hospital and treated pretty poorly for being “un-wed” and pregnant…by people I trusted and thought wouldn’t “judge” me. I didn’t blame the little baby growing though. I picked out names and was excited, regardless of my situation. While I was in there, my exes roommate brought me like $40 dollars and told me to get an abortion. I felt completely alone. After the mental hospital, I moved away to stay with more family. When I got there, they weren’t as supportive and I was left homeless. I stayed with friends on their couches and realized that I couldn’t bring a baby into this world when I couldn’t even take care of myself.
So my friend took me to a women’s center, and I used their phone book. I was close to the end of time to get an abortion. So I looked up abortion in the yellow pages. There was an ad that said, if you’re thinking about abortion call us first.
So I called them first. I’m so grateful for their ad. It literally saved my son’s life. After all their scans and finally getting medical care (at like 25 weeks… eek), they sent me some letters of couple’s waiting to adopt. I took half, and my friend the other half, we each picked one from each pile. After we exchanged the ones we picked, we agreed, there was one that stood out to be the best. I called the agency, and they told me until one more test came back, they couldn’t tell them.
However, I know that on New years eve of 2004, they got the call. We talked on the phone for like 4 hours. I knew I was making the right choice. From then on, they went to my ultrasound (yay it’s a boy!), and helped me in ways I can’t even thank them enough for. They were so incredibly supportive. I finally found a place to move into (a friend’s basement) and got a job, and felt like I was getting somewhere.
After I gave birth, I slumped into a bit of depression. I drank and drank and drank. Found out my (new) boyfriend had been cheating on me for awhile….it wasn’t a good time for me. I had no one around me who could even grasp what happened to me. I grieved for my child and I grieved for the experiences I wasn’t sure i’d ever get to have. Or if I’d even have more kids. (Cancer runs in our family)
Even all that said and done, it was the best thing I have EVER done. They got a son, and I got to give him life. I watch his mother’s facebook feed. I keep my distance out of respect, and I send gifts for his birthday when I can.
It’s not easy, but it sure beats living with the grief of him never having a life. It was never his fault I got pregnant, and I don’t have to live with what ifs.